Masks

   I think i'm fine for a couple of days, but at night, listening to music with the lights off, when the tears come back again, and I sob just loud enough for me to hear, I know i'm not. I just put another mask up, this time in front of my own eyes. I'm just so tired of life. It's like a maze that doesn't have a way out and every move I make leads to another dead end.

*Stay Persistent 
--Sierra Yu

Love

    Love. I don't know what people want. Money, happiness, freedom, equality, health, fame, knowledge, beauty, popularity, power, love.... 
   I'm such a big fan of fairy tales. Maybe because I wish for a happily ever after. I want freedom, happiness, and most of all LOVE. True love. Does it exist? Is it real? Those aren't the questions.... Can I have it?
   Crushes, likes, that kinda stuff isn't the same as love. Not love at first sight but growing in to love. Someone who's your best friend. There's nothing more in the world I want than to be truly loved by someone for who I am. Someone who understands me. Someone who cares. Someone who wants to make me happy and someone I want to make happy. 
   No one's perfect but if you love someone you'll work to have them through their imperfections. I hope everyone find their true love someday. Their missing half. Their happiness.



*Stay in Love
--Sierra Yu

Waitin' for the Rain.... to Fall

Waiting for the Rain to Fall
By: Darren Cole and the Troublemakers
(And me)
You stand there
looking for a storm in a drought
You look up
looking for a sign of any clouds

You've been waiting your whole life, for everything
waiting for the boy that'll, make you sing
waiting for a brand new life to call
waiting for the rain that'll never fall

Baby you're to strong to lose
So don't you ever fall
Somewhere in this world of dark
You will have it all
Maybe it's all been hard on you,

Pushed against the wall

But there's no need to close your eyes

Waitin' for the rain to fall

Don't lose faith
when everything goes wrong
don't hold up
always keep on going strong

You've been watching, your whole life go by
watching the clouds move in the sky
watching what you want never come true
watching everyone leave you

Baby you're to strong to lose
So don't you ever fall
Somewhere in this world of dark
You will have it all
Maybe it's all been hard on you,

Pushed against the wall

But there's no need to close your eyes

Waitin' for the rain to fall

And when the rain will pour

when the storm will come

you will know that your

wait is finally done

Your life will move on

your dreams will come true

your eyes will finally open

you will start anew

Baby you're to strong to lose
So don't you ever fall
Somewhere in this world of dark
You will have it all
Maybe it's all been hard on you,

Pushed against the wall

But there's no need to close your eyes

Waitin' for the rain to fall 

Italicized parts from the Sammy Keyes series by Wendelin van Draanen. The rest I wrote.
The picture is not mine. I only edited it. It is from a magical place called the internet....

*Stay Creative

--Sierra Yu

Secrets

  That moment when a friend says, "I know you --" and you automatically say,"No you don't!" really harshly without meaning to. Because a lot of times they don't, not at all. No one does. Not even you. 
   Friends can be so mean sometimes. They think it's OK because they know you and everything, but it's not really. It still hurts every time.  Some friends pick at everything you say so that you just wanna stop talking. Can't there just be a perfect friend somewhere? Why is life so hard? 
      And then you think, "I'm not going to be friends with them anymore." and they do one nice thing and then you can't shut them out. 
I heard this song the other day and I was so shocked about how much i related to this that i started crying. 

The Phone Rings
Don't Wanna Pick It Up
I'm So Scared
I'm Gonna Say Too Much
I Tip Toe Around Your Questions
Why You Gotta Dig So Deep?

Tears Fall
And The Glasses Break
Inside These Walls
The Floor Boards Shake
From Outside
It's Alright
Long As You Looking From Fifty Feet

I Been Trying Trying
Hold My Head Up High
I Been Lying Lying
Keeping It All Inside
Trying Not To Trust You, Yeah
Take Another Leaf, I'm Broke Yeah Yeah???

I'm Done, I Give Up
I Don't Wanna Pretend No More
That's It, So What
I've Lost A Friend Before
Gonna Say It Like It Is
No More Wondering What If
That Ain't The Way You Oughta Live
Cause I Don't Want You To Love Me
If You Don't Wanna Love Me For Me

Cause I Don't Want You To Love Me
If You Don't Wan' Love Me For Me

A Doll House Is All That You Could See
But It's So Far From My Reality
I Got Problems, I Got Issues
Sometimes It's All Too Much For Me
Wrap It Up With A Pretty Little Bow
But There Are Some Things You Can't Sugarcoat
So I Give It To You Anyway
Even Though It Won't Taste So Sweet

I Been Trying Trying
Hold My Head Up High
I Been Lying Lying
Keeping It All Inside
Maybe I Could Trust You, Yeah
Take Another Leaf, I'm Broke Yeah Yeah???

I'm Done, I Give Up
I Don't Wanna Pretend No More
That's It, So What
I've Lost A Friend Before
Gonna Say It Like It Is
No More Wondering What If
That Ain't The Way You Oughta Live
Cause I Don't Want You To Love Me
If You Don't Wanna Love Me For Me

Sick Of All The Fighting
All The Slamming Of The Doors
The Pain, The Parents, Too Deep You Know
Step Back, Step Back
Can You See It Through My Eyes?
I Know, I Know
Maybe A Surprise
Don't Wanna Be Perceived For Something That I'm Not
Just Wanna Be Accepted For The Little That I Got
If You Could See Me Now In My Glass House
Not Ready To Let You In

I'm Done, I Give Up
I Don't Wanna Pretend No More
That's It, So What
I've Lost A Friend Before
Gonna Say It Like It Is
No More Wondering What If
That Ain't The Way You Oughta Live
Cos I Don't Want You To Love Me
If You Don't Wanna Love Me For Me


Read more: CHER LLOYD - LOVE ME FOR ME LYRICS 

If I could write one song in my life about my life, that would be it. I just want to sing that out to the world so they know that i'm not the me they think I am. If I could just let someone in. Maybe I will. Maybe a little. Maybe today.

*Stay Open
-- Sierra Yu

One Sided Relationships

    Isn't it awful when someone who's supposed to be your best friend is only there for you when they want to be? What about when you NEED them? After you do everything for them all they do is leave you in the end.  It's sad because that person is the person that you think will always be with you after everyone else leaves you, but they're not. And you're crying over them while they don't even care. It's not worth it. YOU deserve better than THEM. 

That awkward moment when you say 'Hi.' and she doesn't talk to you anymore. And every time you looks at her you remember what used to be. When everything was perfect for a moment and then everything fell apart. Anger, sadness, confusion, one after another. And you think they feel nothing. That's what I thought to. I don't know if it was true. But I still miss it. Years later. I'm over it but it was still the best time of my life. And it ended.

When you think about it, if someone asks who your best friend is it takes a lot of thought. It could be someone you overlooked, or never realized was ALWAYS there for you. Someone YOU weren't a best friend to. 

Think about your friends and KNOW who they are. Your real ones. Because if a friend only comes to YOU in times of need, who do YOU go to only in your times of need? 

So to everyone out there in this world, 

*Stay Smart
--Sierra Yu

Pointless Living

    I just started high school this year and you would think that it would make you understand life more and what you're going to do with it. I'm more lost and confused than ever before. What is my purpose in life. I feel so POINTLESS!
    And my friends.... they hand out with me but kinda leave me. I stopped talking and they asked if something was wrong, but if i do talk i feel like they don't even care. I went into my dark hole and wasn't coming out. I felt like something was wrong with me like i was depressed or something. I had to give myself a reason to live. 
    I'm not going to live for myself. I'm going to live for other people. If i can't change my life or my fate, I should stop being selfish and help OTHER people. People have it was worse than me. I'm not saying i have it good, but at least i have something. 
   I'm a little better but something always brings you down. I feel like i can't tell my friends anything. You know the best friend you tell everything to? Well i don't have one of those so my heart is breaking inside of me because of all the pain i'm keeping in for years. But if i tell anyone ANYTHING i feel like they will judge me.  I should be able to tell my friends anything, but i'm not. I wish I could sometimes... and sometimes i'm about to, but then they do something to make me feel like they couldn't care less about my sob story. I've needed someone to cry on these years but I've had no one.  And i keep thinking things will get better, they have to! But they never do. Life feels so monotonous and pointless and frustrating  Like i don't even have a life. What's the point of anything anymore? 
   I kinda told my friend part of something and how i felt like my friends were leaving me alone over email, but now at school I feel like the only reason she waits for me to catch up or something is because i told her. I feel like she's trying to hard. 
   This is what I keep doing... Describing how something's bothering me, but not saying exactly what. Because I just can't... My hole is too deep and i can only throw a little sand out not. I just can't come out myself yet. I'm not ready. Maybe i'll never be. 

*Stay Alive
--Sierra Yu